Events Hope you're hungry.

Hope you're hungry.

Could this be Des Moines’ sexiest pizza party?

Published on December 23rd, 2013 | by Joe Lawler

Do you like pizza? Do you have an STD? If you answered “yes” to one of those questions and “no” to the other, you might be a good fit for the best pizza party/orgy of the year.

Check out this post in the Casual Encounters section of the Des Moines Craiglist. Don’t worry, it’s safe for work. Because awesome Cragilist posts tend to disappear once people start linking to them, all the text is included below, as it appeared on the site.

It starts out like it might be for a pizza party, but quickly gets a little… saucy:

we will be hosting a custom pizza party at a hotel on new years! want to put salad dressing and taco seasoning on your pizza? GO FOR IT! the chance that many of us have secretly dreamed of: to get a large group of people together to make custom pizzas and experimant together! pizza, pop, toppings to add on… you name it! and we could use more people to add to the fun….

so apply today! spots are limited, but there are a few rules:

1: female. we have plenty of guys who want in on the party, and so we will be FAR more strict on them… do not apply unless you have a VERY good contribution to the party. even if so, the women will have the final vote on any men who apply.

2: be single, in a open relationship, have permission, or other, ect. although sex is not the focal point of this party, we ask that you be open to the possibility of it. obviously you can decline any offer, but bringing guilt to others if they learn you are cheating would ruin the fun we are working to set up.

3: if applies: have birth control of some format. the pill, injection or other non-disruptive and descrete methods (even the morning after pill, if you want) will work… but this should be adressed in a subtle way. similar to rule 2.

4: no STDs. i am sorry, but this is a distraction and a safety hazard. knowing that everyone is clean beforehand is important… if you have one and wish to apply, be honest. there is a chance you will be accepted, but it will be made clear to all other participants.

5: send a brief introduction in a reply email. pictures, additional contact information and in depth questioning are not manditory for the first emails. before the party they most likely will be. this is a case-by-case basis, but there shouldnt be any issues. we do not discriminate due to gender, body type, BDSM lifestyle, breast size ect. PLEASE USE YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF PIZZA AS THE SUBJECT OF THE EMAIL (but if you simply cannot deciede, do not worry. you are in good company. just name one and put the rest down as your fisrt line) 😉

6: must be of legal age for all activities participated in. we will not be serving alchohol, but others are allowed to do so. anyone under 21 MUST refrain from such activity. although we may or may not agree with these laws, they are to be followed. we do not want any trouble here.

7: most importantly: more rules may be added in time. this is the first ad, and may not contain all the needed precautions. if any important details are left out, please let us know. all official emails will be through this adress. rules such as “everyone who is able to do so must bring a medium pizza” are in consideration depending on the number of people who wish to attend.


About the Author

Joe Lawler covers music and more for Juice Magazine. E-mail him at or follow his updates on Twitter @JoeLawler

Back to Top ↑

do my homework assignment